Married & Joseph

by The Ornaments

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    Cotton bag with 3" bottom gusset comes in Lutheran Book Of Worship Green and includes an immediate download of "Married and Joseph.". Limited to 1 per customer. Designed by the inimitable Ryan Bren.

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The Ornaments are Mike Behrends and Lance Owens.

"One of 2019's best new Christmas songs, no questions asked. Yet another winner from these guys."

"You will never quite hear a Christmas song like this from anyone else."
–Christmas Underground


Recorded November 2019 in Madison, WI during the first snowfall of the year using an upright piano, Roland Alpha Juno 1, 1974 Gibson SG, and an assortment of effects pedals.


released December 1, 2019

Volume 6, Christmas 2019
Folkmonger Records, FMR009

Thank you for listening despite countless other options for how you could spend 5 minutes of your time this holiday season.

See you next year 🎄✝️


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The Ornaments Wisconsin


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Track Name: Married and Joseph
we met when we both volunteered
for the christmas program at the lutheran church
my name is joseph so i played him
and she was married so she played her
and the wise men were three brothers
who would keep our secret

no members had a baby that season
so a cabbage patch kid played jesus
the congregation still ovated as we ended
i didn't see a dry eye
we both bowed and retired
to the choir room to get out of costume

"oh my god i did it," she said,
"i'm an actress, i made it, like my husband said
i never could have."
forget him, you were born with it, you're a star
you should be on the next flight out to los angeles
then she pushed me to the floor
kissed me there until we moved to the davenport
and through her hair i saw the wise men
peeking in through the holy doors

kyle's stocking had a year's supply of Nos energy drink
trevor's, a ticket to a college football game
cody has a new red hat he adores
don't worry mary, they won't say a word anymore

the next christmas a real baby played jesus
they said he was a miracle
because his father couldn't father any children
it had to be spiritual

i stood in back with my mother's eyes
knowing that baby has my mother's eyes
and that's when kyle turned around
and said, "hey joe, my supply's almost out."


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